by 2025-2027 Associate Member Kara Gavin
Image credit: John Hain via Pixabay
Be an active listener. This is a common expectation in classrooms PreK through 12 and beyond. I have talked about what it looks, feels and sounds like with elementary students and undergraduates alike. Teachers post anchor charts with visuals and even sing songs to reinforce what active listening is – ears are listening, eyes are watching, lips are closed…
Listening with Care
Listening is a complicated skill to teach and a challenging one to practice within the ever increasing busyness of school. Within the Common Core State Standards for English Language Arts Speaking and Listening standards, there is a simple but powerful phrase that appears in grades 1 through 3 – listening to others with care (NGA Center & CCSSO, 2010, CCSS.ELA-Literacy.SL.1.1A, CCSS.ELA-Literacy.SL.2.1A, CCSS.ELA-Literacy.SL.3.1B). I appreciate the authors who felt this was important to include and believe it is a significant practice for all grades. But what does it mean to listen with care? Certainly it includes listening ears and watching eyes. But it is more than that too.
While collaborating with teachers and working closely with instructional coaches over the past several years, I have been reflecting a good deal on listening. I keep returning to a quote from Elena Aguilar’s chapter on Listening and Questioning from The Art of Coaching that articulates what it feels like to be listened to with care:
When I really feel listened to, it seems like time slows down. There’s a stillness and quietness that I perceive from the person who has created a protected space for me…I feel drawn in and empowered to explore my own thoughts, feelings and experiences…I feel acknowledged, recognized, and validated on a fundamental level (p. 150).
Slowing Down and Creating Space
In this time of scripted programs, pacing guides and tight schedules, creating space to listen with care is critical. It is perhaps a small site of resistance to slow down and foreground connection and relationships. Learning about the experiences of teachers and hearing student’s perspectives lets individuals know they matter. I have seen this done in simple but powerful ways. A fourth-grade teacher shared how he shifted the way students shared their thinking with the class. When any student was talking, all other students were asked to put their hands down and just listen. This small move created a protected space for the student who was sharing and required everyone to pause and honor the ideas shared. In this classroom, participation was not a ping pong of individual ideas but a connected space. Listening with care is never wasted time.
Feeling Recognized and Validated
“Thanks so much for listening. I really needed to share that.”
“I appreciated this space to share. I didn’t realize I needed to talk about that”.
These are words that have stayed with me. They were not shared after a professional learning session or a structured planning time, but after moments when I simply listened. As a consultant, I am aware of the ever-ticking clock and the limited prep time teachers have. During these listening sessions, I have often wondered – What am I doing? I am just sitting here. I need to be sharing a resource or getting us back to talking about the curriculum. Then Aguilar’s words return to me, and I recognize that I am doing something. I am listening with care to what teachers need to express, acknowledging the complexities of teaching and the very real challenges teachers and their students face within and outside of schools. I am not rushing to fix or solve or even agree. Listening with care provides insights into teachers’ worlds, promotes connection, and builds trust.
Feeling Empowered to Explore Experiences
I have the opportunity to work alongside some amazing Pre-K and Kindergarten teachers who are experts in listening with care. Four- and five-year-olds have so many stories and ideas they are excited to share throughout the school day. These teachers recognize the importance of allowing time for these anecdotes, which are often loosely connected to the focus of a lesson. They do not interrupt the child to tell them it is not the time to share or that the class is focused on a different topic. Listening with care, they understand that the two or three minutes the child takes to tell their story is time well spent, as evidenced in the child’s beaming face or twinkle in their eye when they finish. As Aguilar reminds us, “When someone deeply listens, I can better understand myself” (p. 150). In these spaces, children know their thoughts and experiences matter. They can explore themselves and learn more about the diverse experiences and perspectives of others. And what is shared is a gift to the teacher, an opportunity to continue to get to know a student and reflect on ways to connect to their lives and interests.
Listening is a foundational skill to practice and to teach. Remembering what it feels like to be listened to with care has helped me to slow down, create space and trust in the value of these small moments. Listening with care goes beyond quiet mouths and watching eyes. Listening with care invites us to resist the pull of the pacing guide and to appreciate and be present with those in front of us.
